The Great War of 1812

The Great War of 1812

Dear Stephen Harper, Prime Minister of Canada and great Queen Overseer in North America,

I am one of your juicy taxpayers in the mischievous province of Quebec. I recently noticed you seemed very interested in spending our collective money to raise awareness about undoubtedly one of your country’s greatest achievement, the great war of 1812. At first, I was a bit puzzled as to why you would dare use funding to promote such unimportant nonsense while gutting the scientific budgets all around, but then I realized that science is usually depressing, what with all the facts and dire warnings about how we are destroying our own ecosystem and so forth.

And thus, I decided to succumb to the greed, excited like an Alberta oil baron ready to poison the water supply for generations to come just so he can buy a bigger truck to compensate for his lack of soul and relevance in this world. I saw you already decided to pay for the creation of an interactive comic of sorts to imbue the young generation with some pride in the achievements of people who died centuries ago so they don’t have to notice what kind of a horribly autocratic mess Canada is becoming. I’ve read that historians are accusing you of twisting facts around to fit your own ignorant worldview; historians, how can they teach us anything useful, right?

So, in an opportunistic attempt to enrich myself using other people’s money, just like you and most of your financial backers, I’m proposing a new and improved retelling of the 1812 war in Canada. I feel that the other comic was maybe taking too many liberties with historical reality by inventing a fictional family through the eyes of which the story was told. This is why I will be using Justin Locksley, a time-traveller from the future, as the main protagonist. How could historians dispute the true account of someone who actually went to the year 1812 to chronicle the tale? There’s no hand like first hand, which would be the character’s saying throughout the comic as he punches the lights out of enemies of his country – yes, I believe Canada will be the nation that invents time-travel, as it seems to be going backwards already without much effort.

I’m submitting a first sketch for the comic’s cover. I hope I can also get some of that sweet propaganda money your government has been showering around lately, so I can get to work and we can finally have a real historically accurate and ministry of education approved version of Canada’s finest hour we can cram down unwary children’s brains.

Yours truly, Artact QC.